Our Devastating News

Disclaimer: My dad mentioned in this article is my Adopted dad. The rest of the family mentioned in this article are my biological family.

This time our blog post isn’t filled with happiness like the others before this. I got a phone call at work that hit our family pretty hard. It did lead to an adventure, but one we chose not to take the kids on. Our family is still going through the grieving process, which is why Teagan’s birthday weekend update was posted so late and you are getting back to back blog articles.

I’ve been working overnights lately, as that is what has been needing CNAs. Working agency, you go where you are needed and whatever shift is needed. I was ending my shift Thursday morning with the usual report rounds with the oncoming shift of the memory care unit. Oddly, my phone started ringing in my pocket. No one normally calls me at 6:30am. Even weirder was that it was the Facebook messenger ringtone. Only a couple people call me using Facebook. I asked the other CNA if she minded that I take the call. She told me to go ahead. I looked at my phone and saw it was my grandmother calling me. My grandma lives in Arizona and is 2 hours behind me in time zones. I answered to see my grandmother crying hysterically and barely able to breathe.

I immediately asked what was wrong. She couldn’t form the words to talk. I asked again what was going on. That is when she held up 2 fingers. My eyes went wide as my grandmother said my aunt Jossie had passed away. My body felt cold and I couldn’t stand. I dropped to the floor of the memory care unit as my fellow CNA rushed to action to catch me and brought me a chair. My grandma asked where I was and I told her I was at work. My uncle took the phone from her and talked to me for a couple minutes before hanging up the phone. My fellow CNA stayed beside me as I tried to regain my composure. She didn’t let me leave until she felt I could make the drive home.

As soon as I got to my car, I called my dad. I told him what had happened and he stayed on the phone with me until I made it home. He met me in the driveway. He embraced me in a hug and all I could do was cry. I couldn’t believe she was gone. I still find it hard now. He helped me inside the house, got me a cup of coffee and just let me process what was happening. He told me I need to go ahead and take one of my PRN anxiety pills and try to get some sleep. I was so distraught I could barely function.

I woke Reese up around 9am and told him what happened before my meds and sleep deprivation finally took hold. I didn’t sleep well and got up earlier than I should have. Reese and my dad were in the kitchen talking, trying to form a game plan. We had Teagan’s birthday weekend adventure coming up, plus Teagan’s actual birthday the following week. I didn’t know how to tell the kids’ so my dad said he would tell them. I didn’t want any of it to mess up the plans we already had for the weekend as I knew it wouldn’t be long before we would be heading to California.

I went back to bed trying to get some more sleep before going back to work. I should have cancelled my shift, but I figured work would keep my mind busy. I still didn’t sleep well. I went to work, trying to be normal, but the news of my phone call that morning had gotten around the facility. Everyone was offering me condolences. I just was trying to make it through the night. Friday I came home and again attempted to sleep. There was no use trying. Once everyone got up, we headed out to start Teagan’s birthday adventure, which you can read about in the last blog I posted. I put on a smile and pushed through.

I struggled to sleep throughout the weekend. Reese tried his best to comfort me. Kids put on brave faces and they did have fun. Behind the scenes, one person on the trip used my grief to really get under my skin to the point we ended the weekend early. I just couldn’t take anymore of her viciousness.

We did make it up to Teagan and Emma, by going out again on Sunday, getting a hotel room and going swimming. Monday as we were getting ready to check out, my grandmother called again. She said she just needed to hear my voice. She asked me to never leave her. My heart shattered into a million pieces. When we got home, I called my uncle. He told me that the funeral would be over the weekend, but if they could the get it for the beginning of the following week that would be best, because we had family coming from different states and countries.

Over the next couple of days my dad started looking at airline flights. Reese and I started looking at rental cars, gas and places to stay. All of us trying to figure out the best and most cost efficient way to get through this nightmare we were living. That is when we decided it was best not to take the kids with us. Emma and Teagan were not happy about that decision, but they coped with it. I knew that my biological mother would most likely be there. She is one I didn’t, and still don’t want, around my children. My grandmother wasn’t happy about the kids not being there too, but she understood my reasons. We promised to bring them to Arizona to visit her after everything calmed back down.

My dad found a flight and booked it for us. Unfortunately, we flew out on March 27th, which was Teagan’s birthday. He was sad, but he understood and we made it up to him when we got back.

We stayed with the family at my aunt Jossie and uncle Rudy’s house. It felt heavy being in her house knowing she wasn’t coming home again. My aunt was only 4 years older than me. It made me realize even more that we are not promised tomorrow. I did my best to stay strong for my family. My cousins’ tried to put on brave faces as they were surrounded by so many family members.

Reese meshed well with my family. Meeting them for the first time in person and during a rough time probably wasn’t the best. He did make the best of it though, helping all 3 of my uncle give me a hard time. Although, we were all grieving, we managed to share memories that made us laugh. We stayed as positive as we could. My aunt wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. My uncle Rudy had me and Reese pick out a few of my aunt’s Starbucks cups. I also got a couple of her Stanley cups. She loved collecting cups.

Reese bonded with my cousin Gabriel while working on his S10. My uncles Rudy, Albert, Charlie and Travis all loved using Reese as a way to pick on me. Grandma and Reese had lots of little heart to heart conversations. I was a little annoyed by my family getting so close to Reese, but it’s a good thing they did. I was happy to get some much needed time to breathe and think.

My aunt’s funeral was beautiful. So many people came to show their respect and say their goodbyes. My grandmother and uncle had the song I wrote for my aunt played. It was a very heartfelt and tearful moment as the words were felt by most that were there. I will be posting the song on our YouTube channel for those who want to listen to it.

My best friend, Felicia came to my rescue for some girl time. We spent the last few days of our trip hanging out with her. We got a hotel room in Oceanside, CA for our last couple of days. Reese had never been to the beach or seen the ocean, so Felicia and I took him down the coastal highway to see all the cool beaches from San Diego to Oceanside. Our hotel was a short walk from the harbor, so we did a night time beach excursion. The last day we were there, Reese and I went to the Jetty and explored the beach while Felicia was at work. He had fun scavenging for shells, sea glass and rocks in the lagoon. We met Felicia back at the hotel after she got off work, changed into swim suits and went back to the beach.

While we went out to California under sad circumstances, we ended our trip with a ton of great memories. Neither of us wanted to leave California, but knew we had to. We FaceTimed with the kids everyday and missed them terribly. California will most definitely be a trip we will make again in the future as a family. Hopefully, next time it won’t be under the same pretenses.

So from our family to yours, we hope you have a magical and memorable day! And please, reach out to your loved ones. Whether you talk to them everyday or haven’t talked to them in years, let them know you love them and think about them. You never know when you will have to say that final goodbye.